Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I had a very busy Christmas. When I was putting the gifts under the tree, Stupidman threw something at my head. I turned around and it was a piece of coal. Idiot. He thought I was Santa and was trying to capture me.

For Christmas dinner I made turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potato, gravy, stuffing, turnips, corn, dinner rolls, and for dessert I made candy cane cake, cookies, blueberry pie and ice cream.
And for snacks I made cookies, chocolate, candy, and turkish delight. We drank alot of hot chocolate and I had some wine. I don't give wine to Stupidman because it makes him sick.

For presents Stupidman gave me a cook book and Pig and Rat gave me baking utensils and oven gloves. Santa gave me knitting needles and some wool and two new nightgowns.

I knit coats for all the animals.

We had a very good Christmas!
See everyone in the new year,
good bye,

Granny

Pig Servant Tales

Hello,
this is Mr Pig from Pig'n Rat Servants. Granny says I can do a guest post.

So today I walked into trouble, with a boy wearing tight pants and long hair. I laughed at him and he said 'what are you laughing at freak?' So I grabbed his head and made him kneel. Then he pulled a pocket knife and tried to stab at me through my armour. Then his five friends attacked so I pulled out my two headed hammer and started swinging it at them. Then they all retreated. I win!

That's all from me. Thanks Granny!

Pet Guinea Pigs

Hello Dearies,

Yesterday Stupidman got stuck in the treehouse. It snowed and he got scared. He thought the snowman would attack him. He's been very paranoid since hanging out with Pig and Rat.

What an idiot.

So I made him a batch of chocolate chip cookies which are his favourite, to try and lure him out. When I set the tray down to put on my boots, Daisy tried to steal it. Naughty dog.

Anyway, I laid the cookies down in the snow outside and as soon as Stupidman smelled them, he jumped down, squishing the snowman. Well at least now he's not afraid of it anymore!

Pig and Rat came by this morning to play with Stupidman in the treehouse. They brought along two guinea pigs and gave them both to Stupidman. He promises to take care of them so I told him he could keep them. I named them Winnifred and Caroline. Stupidman wanted to call them 'Red Haired Guinea pig' and 'Blond haired Guinea pig', but thoses names are stupid!

Now back to my baking. Christmas is coming!!

good-bye,

Granny

Halloween Party

Hello Dearies,
The Halloween party on Saturday night went great! The guests were Dagwood, Wayne, Eddie, Hagface, Lily, Bailey the faun and Pig and Rat.
Wayne dressed as a Bog-Marsh costume, Eddie was a vampire, Hagface was a zombie, Lily a pirate, Bailey a mage, Dagwood wore a pink unicorn-blue dragon costume, Pig was an orc and Rat was a goblin.
And of course Stupidman was the merman and I was a druid with flowers. I looked very pretty.
I served my guests creepy treats, apple cider, pies and cupcakes and candy.
We bobbed for apples, except for Pig and Rat. Stupidman wouldn't come up for air because he thinks mermen can breath underwater. I had to tell him he's not really a merman but just an idiot. He does this every year. He really gets into his costume and thinks it's real.
Mr Rat, Mr Pig and Stupidman thought they heard rustling in the bushes and went outside to take it down.
Stupidman finally got over his fear of the decorations. Now he likes them and doesn't want to take them down!
It was a good party but I had to clean up the whole mess the next day by myself because Stupidman was still asleep.

Goodbye,
Granny

Halloween and The Award

Hello Dearies,

I am having a Halloween party this Saturday night.

I have invited Dagwood, Eddie, Wayne, Bailey, Hagface, Lily, Pig and Rat.

Stupidman is carving the pumpkins. I hope he doesn't cut off his fingers.

I am baking all the cupcakes and pumpkin cakes and making all the decorations. I want the house to look creepy but Stupidman keeps getting scared of the plastic spiders and bats and keeps hitting at them and pulling them down. I keep telling him they are fake but he won't believe me. Idiot.

I am also making potions! But Stupidman tried to drink them. Thankfully the potions are harmless and are just filled with Canada Dry with food colouring.

Stupidman wants to go trick or treating too.

I am going to dress up as a druid with flowers. I will look very pretty. Stupidman is going to be a merman. I made him the costume. It looks very nice.

Stupidman was sad I drained the pool because he wanted to swim around in it and test out the costume.

Also I have won the Prolific Blogger award!

Goodbye,

Granny

Thanksgiving

Hello Dearies,

Yesterday I had my Thanksgiving dinner. I served mashed potatoes, turkey, sweet potato pie and sweet potatoes, turnip, stuffing, cranberry sauce, buns, gravy, and fish (for Stupidman). I made pumpkin, blueberry and apple pies and pumpkin cake (for Stupidman).

I served wine (not for Stupidman) and Rat and Pig brought root beer. Stupidman drank too much rootbeer and got really hyper.

Every year I like to have a grand feast with lots of people, but not mean people like Tanktop Tammy or Lawnboy Larry. I invited Dagwood, Wayne, Eddie, Burne, Nester and Bonnie, Lane and his girlfriend Kayleigh, Bailey the faun and Lily and Hagface came along too. Stupidman invited his imaginary friends Pig and Rat who turned out not to be imaginary!

We fed Lily and Hagface outside on the porch with the dogs. Everyone else sat in my beautiful dining room. I used my best dishes. We had classical music in the background and had candles on the table. I told Stupidman not to touch them but he kept trying to put out the flame with his fingers and got burned. Idiot.

It turns out that Stupidman's non imaginary friends Pig and Rat have disgusting table manners. As does Kayleigh and Lane. Pig and Rat brought their pet pig and pet rat and the rat kept climbing on the table trying to get over to the turkey. And the pig keptmaking gross noises. Disgraceful. I put their pets outside. I must speak with Stupidman on his choice of friends.

And now I must rest in my rocking chair and knit.

Good-bye,

Granny

Stupidman's Imaginary Friends and My Yellow Dress

Hello Dearies,

I found the bug that was killing my flowers so I shot it with my shot gun. Then I went in to bake pies. I am making pumpkin, apple and blueberry pie. My favourite is pumpkin.

Stupidman was bugging me about the pumpkin cake but I already made it but didn't tell him because he will eat it.

I made Stupidman wear a sweater today because it is getting colder. And I closed the pool too because if I don't Stupidman will fall into without even knowing it.

I bought myself a new wool dress today. It is yellow and very pretty. I will wear it on Thanksgiving dinner.

Stupidman came in to tell me there are two weird guys in his tree house and now they are his best friends. So I went out to check to see who was in the tree house and it was empty. I think Stupidman has an imaginary friend again! I won't tell him they're not real.

And now he wants to invite them to the Thanksgiving dinner. So I said sure.

Good bye,

Granny

BBQ and Stupidman's Tree House and the Missing Fence

Hello Dearies,

We went to Dagwood's barbeque last week. It was fun! We ate, and we sang songs. Stupidman wanted to try a beer but I wouldn't let him. I don't want him to turn out like Tanktop Tammy.

Tanktop Tammy kept asking for more food and ate it all! Then when the food and beer were gone, she left. She was mad and Lawnboy Larry threatened us. Stupidman wants to take revenge!

About Stupidman's tree house-he finished it. But I had to inspect it to make sure he doesn't fall through the floor. In the middle of the night, I hired carpenters out to finish it, but told Stupidman that the garden fairies finished it!

Yesterday Stupidman found two weirdos sleeping in it. They had a pet pig and a pet rat. They jumped out the window when they saw Stupidman. Daisy and Lily chased after them until they jumped over the fence. But they forgot their rat but the rat crawled through under the fence.

Today I found half of my fence missing! I have a feeling Stupidman used it to build his tree house because he has alot of white wood in his tree house!

Today I am baking pies and cookies and other treats for Thanksgiving. I may even invite Dagwood over for dinner. Stupidman wants a pumpkin cake.

Good bye,

Granny

Tree House and Canning

Hello Dearies,
Stupidman is building a tree house and I am very worried about him. He's going to break his neck! Or back! Right now he only has the floor done. At least the tree isn't very high off the ground. I put a whole pack of pillows on the ground in case he falls. I don't want him to land on the dogs or the cats. Stupidman wants to build it all himself but when it's finished, I will decorate it! With lost of fishes-wooden fish, fish on the curtains, fish floor mats and fish pillows. I told Stupidman he wasn't ever to have any candles in his tree house because he might start a fire.
Stupidman wants it finished before winter comes so he can play up there.

On another topic, my apple and pear trees are ready for picking. And so are my strawberries. I have to keep Stupidman away from the strawberries because he will eat them all! I like to make jam from the strawberries and apple pies from the apples. I will begin my canning season soon. My cellar is getting very full.

goodbye for now,
Granny

Granny's Night

Hello Dearies,
right now Stupidman is having his birthday sleep over. He's in his new orange tent with Dagwood, Eddie and Wayne. I can hear them giggling. Stupidman wanted a camp fire but I won't let him because I'm afraid he'll burn down the forest. Daisy and Lily are outside and every ten minutes Daisy howls which scares them.
About twenty minutes ago Daisy scared Stupidman so bad that he ran out of the tent and into the pool. I heard a big splash, then Stupidman came inside the house to get dried up.
So I let the dogs in.
Right now I am knitting and listening to classical music, while petting Snowflower. I am having tea and tea biscuits. And relaxing and enjoying my night off from Stupidman. I just hope Stupidman and his friends don't do anything stupid!
Good night dearies,
Granny

Stupidman's Birthday!

Hello Dearies,

today is Stupidman's birthday and I took him bike riding. I brought lunch and a cake and cupcakes- All of Stupidman's favourites.

The cake I made him was a fishbowl cake, and it took me an hour to make. Stupidman just gobbled it up in 5 seconds! The cupcakes I made had little fishies on them.

I bought Stupidman a segway and I know he fell down 2 times! I heard a thump against the tree and I saw leaves fall from the tree. I wish he'd watch where he's going. Idiot!

He almost fell into the pool as well!

I knit Stupidman an orange sweater and he really liked it. He can wear it when he goes fishing in the Fall. I also bought him a new goldfish, an orange remote control car and an orange tent. This weekend he is going to have a sleep over in it with his friends.

Stupidman is very tired so I better go tuck him in,

Goodnight Dearies,

Granny

Beach and Fort

Hello Dearies,

Last week I took Stupidman to the beach and a fort. At the beach Stupidman dug holes again but luckily no one fell in this time. I told him to suntan lotion but he wouldn't and ran off so he got real burned. Idiot!

The dogs ran away so I made Stupidman chase after them. He couldn't run fast because he was burnt so bad. Daisy ran through someone's picnic. They were mad and told Stupidman to keep his dog on a leash.

Then we went to Fort George. Stupidman got to try on a coat but got stuck and panicked so I had to help him out of it. Idiot! Then he jumped in front of the rifle reanactment and the guy sitting right next to me fainted. He thought Stupidman died. But the idiot didn't, he only pretended to be dead, for effect.

I liked the fort but wished it had more flowers. And I wish I hadn't brought Stupidman.

I'm surprised some of the soldiers didn't faint because it was so hot.

All in all, it was a pretty good trip.

Granny

Long Weekend Camping

Hello Dearies,

Stupidman and I went camping this weekend in Elora. Two freaks scared us in the woods. Stupidman still has nightmares about it. I think they were Dagwood's friends.

I cooked, collected flowers and herbs and played in a waterfall Stupidman found. Stupidman played and fished in a waterfall. He tried to climb it too but kept falling.

One time when we were heading back to our campsite, we heard rustling in the bushes and when we looked over we saw two beady black eyes.

That night around three in the morning we heard two screams and one squeal. It sounded like a pig. Stupidman was really frightened and grabbed the axe. Then we heard something run past our tent and evil cackling. and giggling.

Now we are home and safe!

bye for now,

Granny

Daisy, Gnome and Cats

Hello Dearies,

Today I found out who put the gnome in Stupidman's room! It was Daisy! She dragged it in there to chew on it's head.

Earlier today I got three new cats! The top picture is of my white cat I call Snowflower, the blue eyed one is called Violet and the orange one is called Flora.

They are pretty cats. I rescued them. I hope they like their new home!

Garden Gnomes

Hello Dearies,

I went out to buy some new garden gnomes. I bought ten of them. It took me and Stupidman all day to put them in the garden. We had to get them in exactly the right places in the garden. They look nice. Here's pictures of all ten of them! The last one, holding a lantern, is my favourite and the third one with the sword is Stupidman's favourite.

Granny's gun

here's a picture my gun collection. I used the bottom one on Tanktop Tammy.

Granny's Annual July Tea Party!

Hello Dearies,

Yesterday was my annual July tea party. It was nice to see everyone there except for Tanktop Tammy and her beastly family. I sent Stupidman over to Tanktop Tammy's place in the morning to pop her tires so hopefully she couldn't come. But the idiot hitch-hiked! With her kids and that stupid boyfriend of hers. So I had Stupidman chase her out with a scythe and pitch fork. He wanted to use a torch but it was day time. Stupidman threw the pitch fork at SuperDuper and hit him in the leg. Then he spun the scythe at Tanktop Tammy's neck but she grabbed it. Then Stupidman pulled it from her hands and yelled "Granny! Help!" Then the whole party tried to attack her but she threatened to ''snap us all in two".

Just when we thought we were going to lose the fight, Lily Zinger ( a friend of Dagwood's) jumped down from the trees and sank her teeth into Tanktop Tammy's meaty flesh. Tanktop Tammy howled and ran away with those ugly kids and that stupid looking boyfriend of hers. We all cheered.

Then the party got good. Stupidman played in the balloons and then threw them in the pool. He ate too much and puked again. I had lots of fun talking to everyone. I swam in my lovely new swimsuit.

Then Stupidman ran inside and grabbed his baby shark and threw it in the pool. It hit me in the back. And I said "Don't throw your toys at people!" Then he said "That wasn't a toy!" Then everyone jumped out of the pool and screamed!

The party was alot of fun and went on past Stupidman's bed time which is 8 o'clock. Later that night I looked out my bedroom window and saw eight eyes glowing in the bushes. So I went to get my shot gun and fired off a shot. Stupidman woke up and screamed and asked who I was shooting at, and I said Tanktop Tammy and her family. And he said 'oh good.'

I didn't hit Tanktop Tammy unfortunately, she got away.

Til next year!

Granny

ps in my younger days I would have hit my mark. Knew I should have taught Stupidman how to shoot, but he's too stupid. He'd only shoot himself. Or me.

Going to the Beach on Canada Day!

Hello Dearies,

So today for Canada Day, Stupidman and I will be going to the beach. Stupidman really wants to go to the beach but I wanted to go tour the forts. But being that it is a nice day we decided to go to the beach (besides Stupidman would drive me nuts if we didn't).

Stupidman wanted to bring his fishies but I said they would swim away. I told him he can bring Daisy and Lily though and all the blow up fishies too.

I bought him a new blow up boat he can take with him. He really likes it.

I also made a cake that has a maple leaf on it. I haven't told Stupidman yet because I want to surprise him when we get home from the beach. Whenever Stupidman gets excited he runs into a wall. That is why I will wait to surprise him til after the beach.

I will bring my umbrella because I don't want to freckle. And I will bring my nice new swim suit-can't wait to wear it! And lots of food.

I told Stupidman that he must put life jackets on the dogs if he wants to bring them in the water.

Stupidman says he is going to dig a very big hole in the sand. He does this every year. Last year I fell into it. I was not happy. One of my water shoes got stuck in the mud too. I still miss that water shoe.

Then Stupidman jumped in with me and I got splattered with mud.

So then Stupidman stuck his hands inside of the mud and climbed out, and forgot about me! So I climbed out too and chased after him!

I hope the dogs don't fall into the hole this year. Or me.

Stupidman just told me he will hide the hole under leaves this year and watch to see how many people will fall into it.

July Tea Party-You're Invited. Unless You're Tanktop Tammy

Hello Everyone,

I am having a tea party. Every July I have one. I will invite Stupidman because he won't stop bugging me. I am inviting Dagwood but not Tanktop Tammy. She would just ruin it with her deranged smells and her kids would run through my beautiful house and destroy it. She better not crash my party like she did last year. Stupidman had to chase her out with a pitch fork and torch.

I will be serving tea and biscuits, and english crumpets, muffins, cake, cupcakes, cookies and cheese and crackers.

Stupidman really wanted me to get the cake! It will be a green cake again with pretty white flowers on it. I told Stupidman that they are candy flowers and that he could eat them but he thinks they're real flowers. But he still plans to eat them either way. Idiot.

We'll have to eat outside because of the puppies;

they will try and eat our food. Same with Tanktop Tammy!

The decorations will be flowers and lace tablecloths and doilies. Very pretty. And some balloons because the idiot, I mean because Stupidman loves balloons. He loves to pop them by jumping on them! He has so much fun until he gets hurt. Sometimes they pop in his face. He hates that.

Stupidman is in the balloon picture, try and find him!

My Award and My Pretty Pink Dress

Hello,

Thank you for the lovely award. Stupidman thinks it's a real trophy. I pass this award onto Stupidman, Dagwood Dog and The Grand Adventures (don't really want to give it to Grand Adventures, but just to be nice! I will).

Seven Things About Me:

1-I like to garden

2-I like to cook

3-I like to read

4-I like pretty dresses

5-I like to watch The Discovery Channel

6-I like tea and crumpets

7-I like hikes

Yesterday I put out a bird bath and all the little birdies like it. And I sewed another pretty dress for myself too. It is pink with lace. And I bought pink ballerina slippers to match my pretty dress.

And I made Stupidman mow the lawn.

Found Stupidman's pet shark and puffer fish

Hello,
so I found the shark that Stupidman put in our pool. I went in the hot tub and got bit on the toe by something! I thought it was Stupidman. But then I reached down and grabbed something slimy with a fin. I thought it was a Stupidman toy, until I pulled it out of the water and saw that it was a real small shark! I screamed and threw it back in the pool.
Stupidman was mad that I threw his shark.
And I was boiling mad at Stupidman for putting a shark in the pool and not telling me!

Then I got pricked by something and found out it was Stupidman's puffer fish. I yelled again, "Why are you keeping this fish in the pool?"
And Stupidman said "Cause you said no animals allowed but fishies aren't animals!"

So I made Stupidman put up a baby pool to put the shark in and the puffer fish back in it's tank.
Then I made Stupidman clean the whole pool out and made him clean the pool for a week.
Idiot.

Inground pool

Hello,

Stupidman really wanted an inground pool so this weekend it's finally finished. Stupidman is playing in it all day with his puffer fish. I told him to take it out. Then he put the puppies in. Then I told him to take them out. Then he put the gold fish in and again, I told him to take them out. No animals in the pool! And he said 'fishies aren't animals!' So I called him an idiot and went inside.

Later today I will go in the pool and this is what I'll wear. It's lovely isn't it?

Now I'm going to watch Stupidman in the pool so he doesn't drown! And I'll watch all the animals too.

Stupidman thinks the puffer fish is a balloon. He keeps yelping every time he catches it. Idiot never learns.

Found Cute Puppies

Hello,
today I woke up and went out on to my deck for my morning tea and to read my nice new book about gardening called 'It's All About Gardening'. Before I could sit down, my foot went into something squishy. I looked down at my foot and it was covered in poo. Then I looked up at my beautiful lawn and all my flowers were destroyed! Then I saw a black puppy drinking out of my fountain! Then I saw another black puppy digging up my beautiful roses!
I grabbed them both and showed them to Stupidman who was eating breakfast. He looked dopey.
I asked him "Where are these puppies from?". I was not happy.
Stupidman said "Oh yeah, I found those puppies on friday! I thought I told you Granny."
"Oh no you didn't!" I said.
Stupidman asked if we could keep them. He said he will do extra chores just to keep them. I looked at their cute faces and fell in love. Then I told him to go clean up the garden or else.
Oh yeah and I asked what he named them too. I like their names.
Good-bye!

Daisies, Lilies and Gold Fish too!

I bought lilies for my fountain and daisies for my garden. Aren't they lovely! And I bought gold fish for my fountain too. Stupidman made me.

He's still trying to fish for them- Idiot! And he threw his puffer fish in my fountain because he said it was lonely. I made him take it out. He kept getting pricked, which made me laugh!

Hello,

I have added a new fountain to my garden. Here is a picture of it. I'm going to add some gold fish to make it look even prettier. I just hope Stupidman doesn't try and fish from it!

Bye all!

New Pets

Hello,

so today I got 2 new pets! Two new budgies. One is green and one is blue. I called the green one- Oak Tree and the blue one Blueberry. They are very cute. Stupidman thinks he can train them to catch fishies and attack people. Idiot! But I like my new birds!

Good Day!

it's me Granny. I'm back from a camping trip. I went camping near a lake. I picked rare flowers in the forest and went canoeing too. I went on a long hike with Stupidman and tried my best to leave him there. But, he followed me back. Maybe next time.

Here are some pictures of the flowers I took.

Planting

Good day,

Today I began planting roses, (my favourite flowers!) lilies, tulips, daisies, and daffodils. But unfortunately I was hit in the head by a falling branch from my great oak tree. The cause of the problem Stupidman! He was climbing, and spotted a fantastic looking bird as he said, so he had to have it! I made Stupidman drive me to the nearest hospital so I could get treatment for my wound.
When I got back I saw Stupidman dancing in my garden wearing my cute pink summer dress. I bolted to him, and slapped him across the face. I found out today, well I should of known sooner Stupidman is no gentleman! He slapped me back, and said "Granny, I missed when you were a man!" I grabbed his ear, and dragged him to his detention room. There he cried until he was released. I told him you should never hit a lady nor your grandmother! Though he protested, and said "But Granda-nny, you're still a man to me!" I was never a man! I have always been a beautiful woman from within!

Bye for now!

Gardening

Good Day,

Today I watered my precious flowers in my gorgeous garden. Everything was so perfect! Until that baboon Stupidman came bounding into my lovely garden, and dripping that disgusting swamp water which commonly drains from his nostrils. He proceeded to slap me with his new found fish, and say "Iss gotta big one Granny!"
Of course I had to cook that horrible fish for him, and if I refused he would sulk, and moan all night long. Which means no sleep for me!

Good bye for now.